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| About a month ago, I went to a college party and began talking to a guy there who was in one of my classes. He seemed normal and friendly enough, so when he asked for my number, I gave it to him. After the party, as soon as I got back to my apartment, I got a text from him. He said that I was "so hot" that he "got hard" just talking to me. Needless to say, I didn't text him back, and sat as far away from him in class as possible after that.
Last week I got a text and I didn't recognize the number (because I deleted his number obviously). It said, "Can you do me a huge favor and sign me into class today?"
I asked who it was, and when he replied with his name, I replied,
"I think that would be too "hard" if you know what I mean."
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| As so much a lonely thought, a night of winding driveways. As so much, a faded gleam, the brush along the highways. It may be a night of shooting stars, but in my dreams I’ll find you, It may be a night when we see Mars, but if you see—I’d blind you. So tiptoe down those stairs again, reveal the cause of me, and then, We’ll hear the clock strike twenty six. The children are in bed. And still I lie awake because, it seems, you’re messing with my head. As so much the withered leaves, the ghost of you is climbing trees, Sending apple blossoms on the breeze. I can’t forget you anymore, There’s nothing else worth living for. | | |
| Today my apartmentmates began talking about a certain guy who was playing frisbee with his friends outside our window. They stood watching and commenting on how good looking he was, saying they just loved to watch him run, they loved his hair, they loved his clothes, they loved how he was such a nice guy. They noticed I didn't join them at the window and they asked me why I didn't want to watch him too.
At that moment I felt so internalized.
The more they talked about him, the more I remembered kissing him, being with him, those long conversations, lying in his bed. I hate everything about those emotions I couldn't express as I stood up and let my eyes wander out the window and over the green grass. There was so much I wanted to say but I just couldn't find the words. As my friends talked about how great he was, I wanted to tell them they had no idea. He was so much better than I could have imagined. But I didn't say anything, didn't tell them that I too have secrets.
I walked over to the window and closed the blind, feeling unbelievably sad. It's a strange feeling, that wondering--that never knowing what could have happened.
And even more strange is learning to accept what will never be.
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| I was thinking about objectification and the implications, as a female, of the way you dress and how it shifts people's perceptions of you. I know firsthand how my interactions with people change based on how I dress. I was thinking about how feminists are all about "I want to be treated with respect and be able to do everything a man can do." You know, I think it's possible that a strong and capable woman can do everything a man could do--but how about the things men can't seem to do? Not all men of course. At the risk of making sweeping generalizations, I find that women have several advantages. We are more sensitive, more intuitive, more perceptive about subtleties. Perhaps we should be more embracing of these types of characteristics. Although I do believe that the hierarchy of men in media and politics is actually harming everyone. This country and the world would benefit if a woman's opinion was taken more seriously, especially in leadership positions. There's a funny saying: "If women ruled the world, there would be no wars, just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other." Yes, it's funny, but I believe there's probably a little bit of truth to it. With that being said, there are probably some things men generally tend to be better at than women (not that I can think of any offhand, but I'm sure there are.) So it goes both ways.
One of the things I was thinking about--and how this relates back to modesty--is the way women dress and the shifting perceptions around them. It's difficult for me to write a message that would say by dressing in a sexy way you're making it easier for men to objectify you and degrade your value. I definitely am not the most modest person in the world. But I think there's a lot more to modesty than simply covering up. I asked four of my guy friends the question, "Do you appreciate it when women dress modestly?" And all four of them said yes. And yet, I know these guys like seeing girls in bikinis, etc, etc. So I think there's a source of confusion because, especially in today's world, it's much easier to get noticed for your body than your brains. Even guys who are looking for genuine brains over beauty are still contributing to the culture and objectification of women in media, consciously or not. Which leads me to believe that, despite whatever messages of hope we give to young women and despite what we believe, the truth is this. Women often look to find their value from the men around them. This is reflected in movies and media today--chick flicks, where the girl is finding love from some man, make the girl's primary goal finding that love. John Mayer obviously knew this when he wrote the song "Daughters." Which leads to the disparity of women either being viewed as sexualized objects or else having equality with men. We cannot have both.
I believe that, (and I'm preaching to myself here) but, dressing modestly is making the choice to showcase other, perhaps more valuable aspects that make you worthy as a person. I know it's hard to find worth in yourself without that affirmation. Especially if you are insecure and have a low self esteem like I do. But really, I don't think the focus should be on gender roles. It should be about humanity and helping everyone around us. Modesty is so much more complex than just what someone is wearing. There are reasons behind everything...some may be compelling, others complicated. Regardless, both women and men should try and be more aware. I think some men don't really realize how much of an impact they have on a woman when they degrade her or treat her badly. And I don't think women realize the thoughts that men are going to be thinking about them when they step outside in those heels, that short skirt, that low shirt. It's good to think about these things so we can discover how to treat each other better. I'm not just saying "men, treat women better." I'm also saying, "Women, treat men better." Because maybe it is harming men when they can't escape from seeing some girl dressed in a sexy way.
I mean think about it. If a woman has a lot of sex with different guys, she is considered a slut and is degraded, but if a man does it, he is considered a player, and is encouraged and glorified. We say a slutty girl is demoralized, but I think a slutty man is demoralized as well. It is harmful for both men and women. And I'm not even saying it from this religious point of morality. I'm saying it from a practical piece of mind--living a life where you only eat ice cream, or where you don't have that stability, and you're not receiving any love or affirmation, just animalistic pleasure? That's harmful, and where is it progressing to? Both genders are feeding into it, and whether women have to take the most criticism for it or not is not the point. The point is, both genders are being harmed.
Well...I guess that's it.
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| ...And then I realized males don't have brains.
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